Its Alive - or is it?!

When i was a young Gi-bag I used to have an unwelcome reoccuring dream where I'm having relations with a hugely pregnant woman. Just on the vinegar stroke the fetus grabs my member and pulls me into the womb and eats me. This movie...brought those dreams back with a vengeance. It's a remake of Larry Cohens 80's cheapo schlock-horror (original cover above...couldnt find the new one on google images!), but shares little other than the main feature...a doublehard, cannibalistic c**t of a baby.

Everyone knows babys are inherently violent anyway. They pull hair, bite, punch you with flabby fists and aim unerringly at testicles with flailing bootee-ed feet. (note i dont have any children myself...last time I met my newborn nephew my sister asked me to wind him...i thought that was a bit cruel so i just gave him a dead arm instead) In the original movie the baby was an ugly rubber-headed mutant of a thing. In this one the baby looks normal most of the time, but frequently goes off on one and when it does its blood and entrails everywhere. Even when being born, the little bollix manages to wipe out 2 doctors and 2 nurses. You read that last bit right, IT KILLS 4 PEOPLE WHILE BEING BORN

The main problem here of course is credibility. And the movie struggles to even come close...most kills are of the victim-gets-pulled-offscreen-blood-spurts-out variety. Because they know that the sight of a ninja-powered monsterbaby will cause hilarity whatever the circumstance. Plot, meh, kid born, kills lots of things, mother takes it home and goes a bit mental looking after it. Various characters drop by the house and meet messy ends. Not even sure why the baby was a wrong un in the first place...something to do with pills off the internet?

The acting is awful, and there is one character...the kid in the wheelchair...who seems to serve no purpose whatsoever.Why is he there? Did he win a competition? Technical stuff is all adequate, Im giving this one a bare pass just because I like to see bad actors killed by babies.
By Master Gi-Bag