You've no doubt doubt heard a bit about this one. Hysterical reports of mass walkouts and people crying and getting sick in the aisles, no hang on I'm confusing it with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of A Load of Alien Bollix. Yes...yes I can feel my sphinter pulsing ominously just thinking about that excrement-smeared screaming boil-encrusted abortion of a movie. And abortion is a suitable lead-in to Lars Von Triers newest, er, opus, AntiChrist. Because I'm sure I recall a deer abortion in this movie. Or was that Willems Defoes' penis? I'm not sure, this movie is so jaw-droppingly pretentious, hilariously gratuitous and exquisitely tedious that i actually began to forget the movie while in the process of watching it, whole sequences of muttered dialogue, boring dream sequences and shouty domestic tension folding in on themselves and imploding like craig t nelson's house at the end of Poltergeist.
It's about 2 hours long, theres about 30-40 seconds of quite explicit imagery...the now-infamous cliterectomy, the intro sequence's x-rated "piston" shot and the also-infamous Bloodwank (Charlotte Gainsburg bashes Bill Defoes scrote with a large stone thing. Then she looks at his prone unconscious body and notices....he's only gone and thrown a rod, despite his massive testicular trauma! So she grabs the tumescent prosthetic/stunt nob and proceeds to knock one out, only to recieve, not a healthy gush of baby batter, but several highly-realistic looking spurts of blood! It is definitely a cringeworthy scene, and not one to think about if you are throwing it up your missus ) Story...ehhh....couple lose their child (he falls out the window while they are having it away) and they head off to a cabin and...ah I couldnt be bothered.
This really does seem like the work of a misanthropic film student, its truly beyond parody. I have loathed all of Von triers previous work and this just confirms my previous prejudices...he's a chancer, and he needs to GTFO. C**t!
By Master Gi-Bag
By Master Gi-Bag
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