Cabin Fever 2 Spring Fever - the kids are not alright

Do you remember the original Cabin Fever? I f**king do, it introduced us to that bellend Eli Roth. It was quite grim and generally unsavoury plague-core with some crude humour and one of the worst endings ever, but Quentin Tarantino took a shine to this dashing young turk and decided to act as kingmaker to the present patriach of "Torture-Porn". Hostel followed and...actually I'm boring myself here. F**k Eli Roth, he's got nothing to do with this in-name-only sequel so adios Eli, don't get mangled by a killer whale, that would be awful.

Shameless cash-in this, disowned by it's director and apparently heavily f**kified in the editing suite after he did a runner. But it's actually quite entertaining, in a gross, squishy, icky way. It shows it intent in the first 5 minutes, when the only survivor of the original movie - now infected by the virus and looking generally unhealthy - staggers out in front of a school bus and well, explodes like a tomato. I laughed. In fact I laughed quite a lot despite myself.. Then again I thought Poultrygeist was hilarious even though I also recognised it was terrible s**t.

So the movies skimpy running time consists of a bunch of pre-prom horny students developing the flesh eating lurgy in various unwholesome ways...I recommend finishing all consumables before the movie gets too far...unless you think you'll really want that last slice of pepperoni pizza after watching some poorly pox-ridden pubescent pulling on his pus-pulsing pecker. Pass the sick bag vicar. We've got heads smashed in with fire-extinguishers, infected characters de-limbing themselves using bench saws, messy uteral splashdowns, blood gouting from every imaginable orifice...There's also a hilarious scene involving a chubby chaser and an enormously obese girl (a species strangely absent from normal american high school movies) getting it on in a swimming pool...it looks like a scene from a f**king greenpeace fundraiser.

So check it out...good craic if you are the right (very wrong) frame of mind. Definitely not a date flick. Unless you are dating yourself. Which is a good idea, don't want you getting a disease now do we? But wear a rubber anyway you sexual tyrannosaurus you.