THE DESCENT PART 2 - plumbing the depths

F**K OFF. The original The Descent was a fine horror flick, nasty, brilliantly edited and paced and would have worked as a stand-alone claustrophobic thriller even without the carnivorous nude cave goblins. This vastly inferior rehash isn't fit to wipe its clammy, gollum-like arse. I'm really annoyed. The original movie had a quite definitive ending, but apparently the US cinema release cut off at the "dream sequence" fake ending, where the protagonist Sarah actually escaped from the caves. So a group of no-mark hacks have gotten together, thrown in the laziest of all screenwriters cliches - amnesia - and have Sarah and a clusterf**k of bellends going back down the subterranean hellhole to find what remains of the original party.

They didnt even bother with a new soundtrack. The whole thing is a souless shambles which doesnt even deserve to be mentioned in the same paragraph as the tight and scary original. So the new load of cannon fodder face off against the carnivorous nude cave goblins, get chewed up, kill a few of the cave goblins in a bloody manner and then it finishes up with a contrived shock ending which is entirely unearned and just pushes the leering rapist c**k of this cinematic fraud further up the unwilling sphincter of the weeping original. For shame. Everyone involved should be twatted in the moneymaker with a large heavy shovel and thrown down a deep, hopefully nude-monster-infested hole.

If you -do- decide to watch it, just skip the first 30 minutes. Seriously. No point at all. Just rubbish screenwriters and a clumsy director trying to justify a few more people going down a hole to die. That's it. That's all it is. I wasted 90 minutes of my time....dont make the same mistake I did. Tidy your sock drawer. Have a shave. Learn Makaton. Swear at a baby. Just don't watch this, it's a pale shadow of a facsimile of a counterfeit of the original.