COMING SOON!

Why aren't you watching the World Cup fatty? Ah never mind, pull up a chair, stick some bees in your ears and crack open a warm beer, it'll be just like South Africa, without the endemic rape petty crime. I'll have to leave you there though, because I AM watching the world cup so let's just have a quick look at some exciting movies about to drop. You've probably heard about a couple of these already...if not...then you probably never will!

A SERBIAN FILM
This looks....a tad pretty f**kin messed up. Advance word is that it's genuinely excessive...jaw-dropping trailer, makes even Master Gi-Bag a bit hesitant about seeing the full filum...



More Bold Balkans! LIFE AND DEATH OF A PORNO GANG



So our friends in Europe are still pushing the limits, whats going on in Japan?

GOTHIC & LOLITA
By the perpetrators of Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police, why not indulge in some cheapo CG, meatheaded humour and fine engrish, after all "this is the only movie that  blows stresses and blues of your boring life!" I'll take your word for that lads. All your base, etc.



and eh..the rest....

PREDATORS
They surely cant f**k this up again can they? What's that wet-end from King Kong doing in here? And bloody Morpheus as well! Fingers crossed eh?



SPLICE
What the...there's that guy from King Kong again, this time looking like an unattractive emo chick. Looks like Species by way of David Cronenberg...there are dodgy versions of it out there lurking in the dark corners of the interweb, but they arent decent quality, otherwise you'd be reading a review of it now. Or possibly doing something more productive.




CENTURION
I reckon this one is just about to hit the internet equivalent of that dodgy stall in Blackrock Market that sells 3 dvds in a blank case for a fiver so expect a review fairly soon. It's Neil Marshall, even when he's bad he's good so hopes are high here. Cant be worse than Valhalla f**kin Rising anyway



Thats all for now, I hear the in-no-way-annoying siren drone of the vuvuzela so I'll post again when I actually have something to say. ANYONE BUT FRANCE

PS I watched Alice in Wonderland, and as I expected it was a tedious, overlong and narcissictic Burton-by-the-numbers load of emo wank. I wasnt surprised. And I bet you're not surprised that I'm not surprised. Has Tim Burton done anything decent since Sleepy Hollow?