Earrrgh! Someone said the road to hell is paved with good intentions…now, I don’t know what that means exactly. So that intro ends…here. So lets just say, sometimes you have to be cruel to the kind. Thats not a typo. The Candy Shop is apparently a shout out for a child welfare society...slagging it off makes me feel like I’m kicking a baby giraffe repeatedly in the teeth but what can I do. Master Gi-Bag is no charity (but am certainly open to bribes) In its favour, first is the “good intention”. Apparently, Atlanta, Georgia is swarming with more kiddy fiddlers than the Royal Junior Philharmonic International Orchestra and child sex trafficking is huge sweaty business. This..short film…is a way to draw attention to it. It’s also free to view here. Can't help thinking that a team of undercover police midgets could solve this scourge in a matter of days but what do I know about procedural police investigation?
Ok now onto the negative bits. I’m not quite sure how to kick this off but it’s REALLY BAD. Nearly as bad as rampant child buggery. The story involves a badly-acting child actor getting involved with a creepy, sub-willy wonka sweetshop owner who's somehow involved with a spate of missing ankle-biters. As a crude allegory, The Candy Shop's heart is in the right place but everything else (especially the brain) manifestly is not, a bit like one of those telepodded baboons in The Fly.
It looks good, technically it’s put together beautifully on a limited budget, but there’s no way around an awful script with fist-bitingly bad dialogue, amateurish performances and brutal direction. It’s just a very very very stupid idea. Wait till you see The Machine. You’ll understand. Anyway, go on their website…maybe, together, we can stand up, raise our voices and put a stop to the hidden crime of child sex trafficking. Forever.
And then there won’t be a f**king Candy Shop 2.
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