I have no objection to remakes. It doesnt seem that long since the last 1st gen episode Freddy vs Jason, but if someone wants to randomly restart the franchise with new ideas and new tech, why not? I don't care. Its acceptable for Superheroes to get an occasional "refresh", why not stripy jumper wearing child molesters? I'll tell you why not...BECAUSE THIS IS W**K. I was never a massive fan of the original or indeed Wes Craven, but he's come up with a few cracking concepts in his time even if the delivery has frequently been a bit of a shambles. The sort-of classic original had some gory kills, a strange trippy feel and the second scariest dermatologically-challenged glove-wearing child-toucher ever. But it does look dated now, which means in my mind a rework is fully justified. It's been 26 years! But by hell what a feeble-minded dead-on-arrival fraud we have here.
I'm actually struggling to assemble my dislike for this abhorrence into coherence...What we have here is a real clusterf**k of a spasticated script, high school students (who all look at least 25 years old) screaming and frowning a lot, loud noises masquerading as scares, Freddy now repackaged as a decomposing alien shortarse, lame versions of the originals setpieces....cheap, dumb, boring, childish, predictable, illogical, repetitive, repetitive, repetitive....After the rubbish Friday the 13th, Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboots here's another greasy turd for the turd-pile. I suppose it'll be Hellraiser next. Get your wellies on.
One, Two Freddy's coming for you,
Three, Four, better lock your door,
Five, Six, grab your crucifix,
Seven, Eight, gonna stay up late,
Nine, Ten THIS SUCKS FARTS FROM DEAD CHIMPS
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