Where's John Carpenter when the industry needs him more than ever? Here we get Rob Zombie instead, continuing on from his unnecessary and crap 2007 "reboot" of JC's original classic. It appears to carry on directly after the conclusion of part 1....except hang on, no, it's a dream sequence, remarkably from multiple characters perpectives at once in a way that actually resembles an actual movie opening but isnt! So after about 20 minutes of this fiction-within-a-f**king-fiction we carry on with the actual story. Laurie, the main protagonist from the first movie (boot-faced raging harridan who will have you praying for her imminent demise via blunt force trauma to the head within minutes) is moping about a year after the original killings. Michael himself seems to have survived and is living as the world's biggest homeless man in redneck country. Even Dr Loomis has managed to uncrush his skull after his death in the first movie and is touring the states selling his book about the events and having no effect whatsoever on the story apart from apparently upping the movie's c**t level (which is extraordinarily high already...so many horrible, irritating characters)
Zombie continues with his process of trying to give some depth to a character whose whole point of being was that he was a machine-like void in the first place. Watching Michael Myers getting a backstory is like trying to give the shark in Jaws some kind of psycho motive involving flashbacks to its youth showing it being punched repeatedly by fishermen or being bullied by squid. Instead of the silent, lethal golem from the first franchise the boy Zombie apparently thinks a growling 7-foot WWF wrestler channeling Jeffry Dahmer is scarier. . It's really not. Now f**k off and go back to doing sub-ministry metal for kids in hoodies.
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